This is the first time in five years that I have written a blog post on my birthday. I can’t believe that! I have done more self-reflection this past year than at any other point in my life. Not even when I was eleven years old, flush with the excitement of a new dinosaur-decorated notebook.
So much of my life in my twenties has been about trial and error. Moreso than in my teens when I took few risks, other than a couple of boyfriends. My twenties have been the period of immense growth for me. I tested all of my boundaries in the last ten years. I got over stage fright and began to sing like I was born to. I sought places to publish my writing. I completed my university undergrad with vigor and punch. I moved back to Toronto. I traveled solo. I traveled with partners. I found love. I learned how to seize opportunities and how to back away from them when I know they’re not right for me. I lost a parent. I weathered the deep intensity of grief and depression. I learned about myself in ways I had never thought I would.
God, my twenties were exhausting!
But how else do you learn if not through trial and error? I was in hibernation as a teenager, waiting to leave the safety net and learn how to do things on my own. It’s actually kind of weird to think that I didn’t experiment more when there was a safety net. It was only when it was taken away that I wanted to take risks… What’s wrong with me?!
Marching into my twenties I didn’t give much forethought into what accomplishments I’d like to aim for, other than to pass university. Looking back on that now I see how aiming that low led to so few things actually getting done in the last ten years. Maybe what I should have been doing as a teenager — testing boundaries — I did them in my twenties because I wasn’t ready to start setting goals for myself. I’m more than ready now. This past year I learned the importance of goal-setting. It’s not about how can I cross all of these things off the list, it’s how many of these things can I accomplish?
Goals for the next ten years
- Pay off my debts and build my wealth
- Finish both novels
- Make a baby
- Grow a garden
- Visit my family in Poland
- Write and record an album
I don’t expect to achieve all of these things, but putting them into words gives them weight and gives me a place to focus my energy. It’s time to put plans into action that will bare fruit and, as you can see, I have a lot of fruit I want to bare. 🙂