Year after year International Women’s Day transforms just a little more, honing itself into a careful diamond that shines brighter as more women wake up.
We’ve had some incredible moments as women in the year.
Canada’s prime minister Justin Trudeau stood up and declared himself a feminist.
It’s a heady time. I’m constantly full of emotions I can’t always explain. But these are good things. We all need these moments. I am so proud of all of us.
Keep going, ladies. We’re all in this together now.
I first became conscious of International Women’s Day, perhaps a little later than the average woman, around the time I was editor of the Harlequin Blog, at the age of 25. I wrote up a piece about it and Mary Wollstonecraft. Looks like my byline has disappeared, but I’ll vouch those are my words!
Five years ago, I wrote this:
The romantic heroines I have always admired have been fearless and tenacious. And no matter what they might look like, what obstacles are thrown in their way, even in the darkest moments, they have always stayed true to themselves.
Ignore all the passive tense.
I’d like to expand my definition to include not just romantic heroines (I was writing for a romance publishing house after all – context!) but to all of my heroines. These include the likes of Tina Fey, Lena Dunham, Erika Jong, Edith Wharton, Frida Kahlo, Patti Smith, Nora Ephron, Mary W. from above, and Amanda Palmer.
Amanda’s a new addition to my fantasy team of lady heroes. I’m reading The Art of Asking right now and I had to stop myself from barreling through the book as is my usual wont because there’s TOO MUCH GOODNESS. If I read too fast, I might miss it.
When I think about what makes these women so awesome in my mind, it keeps coming back to the fearlessness and tenacity that I admire.
A good friend of mine once described me as tenacious and, although I was in the midst of a pretty large and deep hole of self-pity at the moment, I tucked that little comment into the back recesses of my mind to draw strength from every time I want to give up.
Give up at life, give up at love, give up at just being a human being.
I learned in these past five years between my first post on International Women’s Day to this one what makes a woman fearless and tenacious – it’s not the absence of fear or laziness – it’s the perseverance in the face of it. Just because I am scared out of my wits end doesn’t mean I’m not gonna do it. In actual fact, that fear has become one of my biggest instincts in life. It tells me that something usually is worth doing precisely because it’s so frightening it scares me out of my wits. Of course there’s reasonable limits to that – I’m not going bungee jumping any time soon, but someone else may feel that fear with those cords wrapped around their legs and still take the plunge. And I think that’s amazing. Good for you!
And similarly, my tenacity isn’t this relentless steam engine, sloughing off problems like a cowcatcher through the thickest snow. It’s more like an ox-wagon trudging slowly into unknown territory. Sometimes those damned oxen are lazy and won’t be made to go faster by whip or insult. Sometimes they damn near stop altogether. But eventually they get going again. Eventually they pick up the pace. Eventually things get back into a groove.
These are my oxen, not giving a damn that I want to keep going.
So happy International Women’s Day, friends! I suppose this reflection isn’t mutually exclusive to women, but I especially like women who exhibit these characteristics. How about you?
Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim. —Nora Ephron
I used to think that I was a strong woman. I would go on Facebook and scoff at the words of inspiration that flowed through my newsfeed’s river of personal reflection. Or I would just skim over the words entirely.
I would wonder why someone has to take so many damn pictures of their damn baby with the same damn baby-smile on its damn baby face.
I thought I needed to seperate my personal Facebook from the Punnery’s because I needed a “creative and professional” appearance when I was presenting things on the Punnery. And I would post things about body acceptance and bullying amongst women. I would reflect about women I admired like Nora Ephron and Tina Fey.
All of these things made me feel strong in the past.
Today is International Women’s Day. Last year I wasn’t sure how to celebrate. Do I get a bikini wax? Buy a purse? Go drinking?
Today I know how to celebrate. I ask each woman that I know in my life, be it just a little or a whole lot, to look inside of themselves and listen to their voices. Listen to the voices that tell you what makes you happy. It could be an ice cream sandwich and the new episode of The Walking Dead. It could be a trip to New York City. It could be a visit with your family. It could be a glass of wine with your best friend.
Whatever you do in your life, be the heroine of it. No one’s going to save you. You gotta save yourself.
The Punnery 